Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
