i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
