omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
