What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
