I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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