So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
