Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
