Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i've created a new STD.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
