is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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