she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
