Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
