You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No subtext here. People are naked.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
