i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
that's an acceptable place to lick
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
