does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
