Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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