I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
