I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
