Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
