Your face is a jimmy john
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
