OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize