we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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