does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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