There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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