I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
