I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
