I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
