Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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