I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
