just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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