There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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