I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
