i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
