Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize