So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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