I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
