Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
