the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
