Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think my moral compass just broke
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
