Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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