he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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