i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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