So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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