i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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