Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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