Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
