I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
