I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize