Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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