When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
