Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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