Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
