If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
