Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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