my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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