He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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