What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
