I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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