I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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