I must be too annoying 4 u.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
