whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
