sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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