I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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