I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
