It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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