Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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