the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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