Jerry, you need to find god
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
dude. I can hear the air.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
