I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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