hotel room ftw
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
