porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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