Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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