Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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