damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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