Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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