I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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