I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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