i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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