Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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