Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
