My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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