i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
