all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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