im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Your dad touched me again.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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