it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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