you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
