I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
