Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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