this boner is exhausting
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
