I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
