We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize