is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
