every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
