And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize